It's not unusual for me to have random thoughts. One of these thoughts is about if Allah would take back something from my body or the five senses, which one would I be okay with to lose. By being okay means that I won't mind so much about not having it. As a result of some more random thinking, I came up with these:
# I definitely hope that I do not lose my eyes and the sense of sight. Especially because I need them to read. Although there is the invention of Braille, I doubt that each and every single book in this world has its Braille version. But that's not it. I definitely absolutely do not want to lose them because then I won't be able to see the colours in this world, beautiful sceneries, beautiful paintings. The thought of me not being able to draw anymore is so......sad. I am so grateful to still have my eyes.
# So, I thought owh maybe I would be okay to lose my hearing. Maybe it will even feel good because the world becomes silent....and calm. But I changed my mind again when I remembered music and songs that I really liked to listen to again and again. And also the different languages that I love to hear people talk with...Japanese, Malay with various dialects, Korean, British English, Irish accent and my grandmother's language...Jawa. So scratch that, I definitely don't want to lose my hearing.
# Next I thought about being mute. That would be nice I think. Since people won't think of me as a weirdo when I am quiet. Lots of people ask me this question:
Kenapa senyap je, ada masalah ke.
Takdelah, takde ape-ape nak cakap, so senyap je la.
After having this two line conversation with me, they'd usually come up with their own conclusion which will be either of these: 'she's weird', 'something's wrong with her' or 'sombongnye, ko kenape?'.
In case the person who had experienced this type of conversation with me is reading this, please I beg you, please trust me. I have no problem or grudge against you. I m just being myself who is too lazy to use her brain to be able to talk.
# I could not lose my hands. I do most of my daily chores with it especially eating. No...no...I can't survive without my hands. Owh I also need them to drive. So then is it ok if I don't have my legs but just one of it, the left one because I don't need that to drive.
But, what I am experiencing now made me realised that those thoughts sounded so much like I am bragging to God. Astaghfirullahalazim...
Today Allah only took a small part of what was given to me. It is so challenging I don't know how much longer could I withstand this test.....What's the test you asked?......
I couldn't smell. Although perhaps at some moments you would wish you couldn't smell, moments like your friend who had constipation for a week farting in your room.
It's only been 1 and a half day that I couldn't smell. During this time, I couldn't taste the food that I am eating. So, I was just stuffing my mouth to survive, it felt like munching dirt. This morning, when I opened the refrigerator, I saw that someone put a drink from last night in a container . I called it a drink because I couldn't figure out whether it's coffee or tea after drinking it. I tried hard smelling it but still I failed to identify what it really is. I was furious about this, so I grabbed a container of chocolate thinking that perhaps I could taste them since it always taste so good. This time it felt like munching melted dirt.
So, i am looking forward for this stuffy runny nose to go away quickly and recover my smelling sense A.S.A.P. Most importantly, I would never take for granted anything that I have and really hope not to lose it. Alhamdullillah for everything that I have today.
